December 2011


Since malapit na mag-2012, perfect ang time na ‘to para magkaroon ng kaunting flashbacks sa mga pangyayari nitong 2011. Grabe. Parang last year lang 2010, tapos 2011, tapos 2012 na. Grabe.

So ‘yun nga. Kung titingnan ko ‘yung mga major happenings this year, parang wala naman masyado. May mga nag-standout, pero all in all, parang wala naman masyadong significant na tipong bumago sa buhay ko.

Noong 2011, ito ang mga nangyari:

  1. Nagkaroon ako ng mga bagong damit.
  2. Nakabili ng bago at nag-iisang sapatos na ginamit ko throughout the year.
  3. Nagka-plan sa Globe.
  4. Nagka-Blackberry.
  5. Nagka-HP.
  6. Di na magaling sa Math.
  7. Never na nilagnat.
  8. Nakapunta ng Baguio. Twice sa isang buwan.
  9. May mga bagong nakilala.
  10. May mga umalis.
  11. May mga naging kaibigan.
  12. May nakaaway din, syempre.
  13. Nakakatulog na ng at least 9-10 hours a day.
  14. Nahilig sa Beatles.
  15. Naging idol si John Lennon.
  16. Naging ass-hole.
  17. Naging heartrob konti.
  18. Naging heartbreaker din.
  19. Nagkaroon ng mga crush.
  20. Never na nagkaroon ng true love.
  21. Tumagal sa Yell Adworks.
  22. Tinamad sa work.
  23. Naging lasenggero.
  24. Hindi na natigil sa yosi.
  25. Mas magastos.
  26. Tumaas ang cost of living.
  27. Nawalan ng sense.
  28. Nawalan ng kwenta sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay.
  29. Nawala ang pangarap.
  30. Boring pa rin as usual.
  31. Weirder.
  32. Madalas kinakausap sarili.
  33. 20 years old na.
  34. Nagkaroon at dumami ang hair sa kung saan-saan.
  35. Tumangkad, siguro.
  36. Virgin pa rin.
  37. Most of the time, malungkot.
  38. Parating mag-isa.
  39. Wala masyadong kinausap.
  40. Emotionally unstable.

Para sa lahat ng friends, pasensya na sa mga imperfections ko. Alam kong meron pa ring nagmamahal sa akin at kayo ‘yun, syempre. Meron pa ring umiintindi sa akin. May sumasama pa rin sa akin kapag feeling ko wala na akong friends. Haha.

Sa mga nakakakilala sa akin, pasensya na kung wala akong kwenta kausap, kasama or kainuman most of the time. Well, ganun talaga. Pasensya na rin kung wala ako masyadong mai-share at mai-kwento. Pasensya kung ‘di ako namamansin. Pasensya kung masungit ako. Pasensya kung ‘di ko ma-meet expectations nyo. Pasensya kung disappointing ako. Pasensya kung ‘di ako maaasahan. Pasensya.

Kung naging part ako ng buhay nyo at naging malaki ang na-contribute ko, sana natuwa naman kayo. Para naman sa iba, pasensya kung wala akong naibigay. Wala rin kasi akong maibigay para sa sarili ko.

Anyhow, Happy New Year na lang.

Image

“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”

This is not my mere how-to in breaking someone’s heart. This is just the ironic, dramatic, yet funny way of how I broke not just her heart, but the words (or promises) I made. Sorry.

***

It was not really my intention to leave you. We both knew that what is happening is the contrary to what we have expected, but that is how all things have become amusing in the end.

As I was saying, it was not really my slightest intention to leave you. So asshole of me. The worst part of our parting was to leave you in the ladies’ room. I lied when I told you that I would stay longer so we could, by any chance, talk more things, resolve problems and hopefully end everything in a best possible way.

I, in the end, broke not just your heart, but the promises with those earnest words as well.

And I just left. You can now add the eleventh thing I am good doing about: Arse-holing.

However, just to clear my side and to tell you the truth, I did not leave that place. After I wee-wee, a thought of ‘ass-holing’ you hinted a chance for that moment.

Yes, I did leave, but I was just hiding behind that column. I was an expectant of playing a hide-go-and-seek. When I saw you coming out of the ladies’ room, I toggled to the pillar and circled it in order for you not to see me.

I wanted to come out and surprise you. I just wanted you to feel being left. I just wanted to watch your face, as it streamed tears. I wanted to see if you would cry, like what children do when they are accidentally left somewhere by their parents. I just wanted to see if I could still make those hide-and-go-seek games. Sorry.

So when I came to a realization that you already left, which by the way I did not notice, I ran and looked for you. I ran just like how actors chased and searched with persistence for their leading ladies.

I went out, searched, turned inside out, but I did not find you. I ran to my fastest and shot an explosive speed, hoping to catch you up.

I guess that is how we should end it: You, feeling angry and left out. Me, feeling guilty and heartless.

And that’s how it all went. I slept that night sensing my own heartlessness. Again, sorry.